You may not think the words ‘Divorce’ and ‘successful’ belong in the same sentence, but there are good and bad ways to deal with the breakdown of your relationship, particularly when there are children involved. Communication, compromise and co-operation lie at the heart of negotiating your way ‘successfully’ through the process:
- COMMUNICATION
Communication is key, and should be prioritised in a number of ways:
Communication with your ex-partner/spouse: It is important to keep civil lines of communication open with your ex-partner, especially when there are children involved. Parenting does not end with Divorce, and a good reliable method of communication is essential if you are both to co-parent your children effectively.
Communicate with your children, on their level, when appropriate. Children need reassurance that they are still loved, that this is not their fault, and that the adults are in charge. Studies have shown that children involved in low conflict separations are less likely to want to be involved in having their opinions heard, as they trust that the adults will do best by them.
Stay in touch and in communication with your solicitor. Do not make major decisions without consulting or at least informing him/her. Certain decisions may have consequences which you may not have anticipated. Even if you are going through a mediation process, make sure to communicate with your solicitor if, and when, in doubt.
- COMPROMISE
Every successful agreement includes a measure of compromise from both people involved. Be prepared to compromise to achieve the best outcome. Consider the points you are willing to compromise on, and also the issues that are more important to you, on which you need to stand firm. It is highly unlikely that a couple will reach agreement outside of the court system, without each being willing to compromise.
- CO-OPERATION
Although the last thing you may wish to do is co-operate with your ex-partner, this is an essential part of working together into the future to co-parent your children. We all understand the day to day demands of juggling work, schooling and extra-curricular activities for children. Add to that mix, the concept of access times and moving between parents and houses, and you realise how important co-operation is. A left behind school bag, or uniform, or an unexpected work meeting can cause unnecessary conflict if not handled properly with a level of understanding and mutual co-operation.
If you need advice or information on any of the issues raised above, please call 0402 24370 or email info@dmburke.ie