I am just back from completing my second walk of the Camino de Santiago de Compestela, and one thing which struck me strongly during this particular pilgrimage, was that family law situations across the world have so many similarities.
During my walk I met and spoke with many wonderful people – from Ireland, the UK, Australia, New Zealand, Korea, France and Spain. Maybe the fact that I am a family lawyer shines like a beacon from me, but as we were walking to raise funds for The Guardian Project (supporting children through separation), invariably most of the people I spoke with ending up sharing their experiences of marital and relationship breakdown with me.
What struck me is that no matter what part of the world you come from, relationship breakdown hurts like hell, and it hurts children the world over in an unimaginable way. I spoke with some who were doing their best by their children, often at great personal sacrifice. I spoke with others who had simply said goodbye to their children and walked out the door. I spoke with various people at all of the stages in between.
I realised that the first key to better outcomes for families and children is education – educating parents, and legal practitioners about options and choice. I realised that the second key is not rushing into things, but letting arrangements gradually evolve into a separation that suits you and your particular family. Unfailingly, those I spoke with who had rushed to court, were unhappy with the outcomes relating to children. Those who took their time and sought to agree matters were, on balance, more successful in achieving better outcomes, both for their children and themselves.
I also realised that whilst the system we work in matters, it’s not essential to positive outcomes for children. The most critical factor affecting children in separation is not in fact the family court structure or the enshrined rights of the child to be heard (although I strongly advocate for change in both). The most critical factor affecting outcomes for our children is the mindset of their parents and the legal practitioners advising them.